To Expect or Not to Expect : How Expectations Impact Experience

Have you ever begun something with the belief that you were going to enjoy it? Like a dance class, a movie or a part-time gig. Maybe you tried it at a friend's recommendation or because a small detail struck a chord. Either way, you experienced a feeling of positive expectation. How did it turn out? Your answer to this question depends on the gap between the experience you had and the expectations you went in with. In other words, for you to have to enjoyed it, your experience needed to either have matched your high expectations or exceeded your moderate ones.

A couple of years ago, I watched a Netflix adaptation of Jane Austen’s Persuasion. The novel, one of my favourites, is a quietly moving love story tinged with the heartache of lost chances. I was excited about the film. What followed was a massive letdown that had me writing a rant masquerading as a blog post to express my disappointment. While Netflix’s Persuasion was a certifiably bad adaptation, I’m partially responsible for my own disappointment. I was simply expecting too much.

Research confirms that expectations have a profound impact on happiness. Unrealistic expectations are among the most effective killjoys. So, while being unrealistically excited only to be terribly disappointed by a movie isn’t exactly high stakes, there are other things like careers, relationships, financial decisions where a bitter disappointment can take a toll on one’s sense of well-being.

TEMPERING EXPECTATIONS

One way to have reasonable expectations from stuff weightier than a concert or film is to differentiate between necessities, preferences, goals and expectations. Only necessities are a must-have. Everything else is something that may or may not work out in your favour without it being the end of the world.

The Stoic philosophers have an excellent expression for the things we want that are only slightly different from what we don’t – ‘preferred indifferents’. The word ‘indifferents’ is used here in the same sense as insignificant because it makes very little difference. I might prefer a Volkswagen Beetle to a Hyundai and that’s okay. I’m entitled to my preferences. But it’s more important to note that these differences are ultimately unrelated to my long-term happiness. After all, any car gets me to where I want to go.

MUST GOALS BE PRACTICAL?

Even with goals, it’s great to have them as long as they are at least a couple of milestones short of the one marked “Never gonna happen”! I’m not recommending pessimism here. Just realism.

Many of us set goals that are unrealistic. The reason they’re unrealistic is not because they’ve never been achieved by anyone but because given our current skill set, position or circumstances, they’re simply not feasible for us. In which case, it makes sense to break up this ambition into smaller goals that will act as building blocks towards the grander objective.

Let’s say, my goal is to write the greatest novel of the century. That’s quite a dream for a someone who has never been published. So, someone as wise as you, my reader, may recommend I write and publish a few short stories before pursuing my ambition of blazing literary glory!

THE PSYCHOLOGY OF REFERENCE POINTS

Expectations aren’t always positive. One could be anticipating a loss or a disadvantage. As someone who trades in stocks, I’m familiar with the concept of loss. Though I must admit that it has yet to cure me of my chronic optimism, at least in the long run.

Now, let’s talk about what is a loss. A loss, according to Risk-Value Theory, is when a person winds up worse than their “reference point.” What was a reference point? Put simply, your reference point is the point from where you started. A loss, therefore, is when you end up worse than your status quo. That’s the theory. But things are usually a bit more complicated in the real world.

Let me illustrate this with an example from The Undoing Project by Michael Lewis. It takes us into the minds of people as far from being content as is humanly possible – Wall Street traders!

If a Wall Street trader expects to be paid a bonus of one million dollars and he’s given only half a million, he considers this a loss even though he’s richer than he was yesterday. This is because his reference point is an expectation of what he would receive.

As hard as it is to sympathise with stock traders, let’s try. He was expecting a million and received only half that. That is disappointing. What if I tell you that there is a way in which he would be unhappy even if he did receive what he expected? Here’s how – a trader who expects to receive a million-dollar bonus, and who further expects everyone on his trading desk to be given the same, will not maintain the same reference point if he learns that everyone else just received two million dollars. In his mind, he would be back in the domain of losses.  

Expectations, even our own, shouldn’t be taken too seriously. The same holds true for reference points which are the hooks on which we hang the hats of our expectations. They are often put there to manipulate us. Let me paint you a picture.

There is an air of anticipation, tidbits of gossip being whispered and meaningful glances being exchanged between colleagues. It’s appraisal season. Like clockwork, the stench of ‘job cuts’ wafts through the corridors of the organisation. Many employees fear losing their jobs. This fear of being jobless and without a monthly paycheque becomes their ‘reference point’.

Appraisals eventually come along with phrases like ‘poor quarterly earnings’ and ‘sluggish market’ garnishing the paltry serving of peanuts also known as a raise. But you accept it, consoling yourself with the thought that, at least, you have a job. That’s how expectations are moulded by reference points. At the end of the day, expectation is a psychological state – best controlled by yourself.

GREAT EXPECTATIONS

It’s not all bad though. Expectations can also lead to some really great stuff. In 1965, the American psychologist Robert Rosenthal conducted an experiment in schools. Teachers were told of a new test that could identify students who were on the verge of an intellectual spurt. They were referred to as ‘bloomers.’ In truth, there was no such test.

20% of students were randomly selected and classified as ‘bloomers.’ Their teachers didn’t know that. They remained under the impression that the ‘bloomers’ were indeed high-potential students.

After a year, Rosenthal discovered that these students had developed much higher IQs than other children in the control group. The teachers’ actions were subconscious. Unknowingly, they probably devoted more time to the bloomers, and consequently, the group learned more. This is known as the Rosenthal effect or Pygmalion effect.

CONCLUSION

Expectations are intangible, but their effects are real. They have the power to change reality but also, disappoint despite no real loss. Luckily, you get to choose your expectations.