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I walked into a stationery shop, bought a pen and asked for a couple of refills for the same pen. I was told that pen didn’t have refills. Instead, one could just buy another pen. After all, it cost only 20 rupees. The shopkeeper added that I was the only person who had ever asked for a refill for that particular pen. That got me thinking. When and why did people stop replacing components and start discarding entire items? For some reason, the response to this question usually revolves around the comparative inexpensiveness of the replacement. Like the shopkeeper who told me, “Why bother with a refill when you can buy a new pen for 20 rupees?” A 20-rupee pen is hardly the first of its kind. Inexpensive pens usually sell for anywhere between 10 rupees to 50 rupees. The real news that businesses hope we’ll fail to focus on is that by not selling a refill which would cost 10 rupees, they’re forcing their customers to throw out a perfectly good pen and purchase another one when all we need is a refill. Think about it and you’ll come up with half a dozen examples of consumer durables no longer lasting as long as they once did. Take my parents’ first Prestige pressure cooker as a married couple. They bought it in 1974. It worked just fine till 2022. That’s 48 years. Now compare that to one they bought two years ago. It’s already giving trouble. Am I to believe that Prestige has forgotten how to make a durable pressure cooker? Surely, there’s something else at play here. THE PHOEBUS CARTEL Prior to the year 1925, the average life expectancy of an incandescent light bulb was 2500 hours. That’s when corporations that controlled the manufacture and sale of incandescent light bulbs in much of Europe and North America like General Electric, Tungsram, Associated Electrical Industries, Osram, and Philips had a light bulb moment! On January 15, 1925 in Geneva, they incorporated a group known as the Phoebus Cartel (Incidentally, Phoebus is the Greek God of Light). The cartel set out to standardize the life expectancy of light bulbs at 1,000 hours (down from 2,500 hours), while reducing operational costs and raising prices without fear of competition. This was one of the prime examples of planned obsolescence at the time. A few engineers noted that bulbs with a shorter life can burn brighter for the same wattage. However, it doesn’t take a bright spark to decipher that the cartel's primary motivation was boosting profits by forcing customers to buy bulbs more often. Like all cartels, the Phoebus Cartel wasn’t kind to those defying orders. They tested bulbs by all manufacturers and those whose bulbs lasted more than 1,000 hours were fined, discouraging anyone from providing customers with greater value. The group had initially intended the cartel to last thirty years. However, with the outbreak of World War II, it ceased operations in 1939. Not that it mattered. Even post the formal dissolution of the Phoebus Cartel, light bulbs continued to be sold with 1,000-hour lifespans. WHAT IS PLANNED OBSOLESCENCE? Unfortunately, things were just getting started. This policy of planned obsolescence (also referred to as built-in obsolescence and premature obsolescence) has been adopted by most companies selling consumer electronics, clothing, utensils, etc. At its core, planned obsolescence is the concept of designing a product with either an intentionally frail design or with an artificially limited utility. This results in the item becoming obsolete after a certain period of time by either ceasing to function, operating at a reduced standard or just being perceived as less desirable. What this strategy achieves is greater long-term sales for the company, by reducing the time between repeat purchases.  This is no conspiracy theory. It’s all in the public domain and deemed legal. PLANNED OBSOLESCENCE IS ALL AROUND An award-winning 2010 documentary, The Light Bulb Conspiracy , also known as  Pyramids of Waste , delved into the idea of planned obsolescence of industrial products. One of the case studies in the documentary is the Epson Stylus C42UX inkjet printer. The printer would issue a defect message after a certain number of printed pages and prevent further use of the printer. This lock, was said to be caused by a chip, which was added by the manufacturers specifically for this purpose. But do we need to go that far? Surely, you remember a time when you could replace a cell phone battery when it packed up. You bought a replacement battery, popped open the back cover of the phone and replaced it. Nowadays, you have to buy a new phone. And this is supposed to be cutting edge technology? Phones may be getting smarter but the makers of phones are certainly counting on folks getting dumber. TYPES OF PLANNED OBSOLESCENCE FUNCTIONAL OBSOLESCENCE: Products using inferior-quality materials or designed to have a limited lifespan. Light bulbs designed to burn out after 1000 hours, irreplaceable batteries, and pens with no way to replace refills are examples of this. SYSTEMIC OBSOLESCENCE: Incompatibility with newer software or accessories that make older products unusable or less functional. I’m sure many of us have experienced software updates that make older devices slow or incompatible with newer apps. PERCEIVED OBSOLESCENCE: Marketing campaigns that make consumers believe that the product they own is outdated, even if it is in peak working condition and there isn’t much difference between the old product and the latest offering. Fashion influencers with their innumerable fashion haul videos are part of the problem, manipulating their unthinking followers into purchasing sub-standard toxic junk. The lines outside Apple stores every Autumn is just another example of this mass idiocy. THE REAL COST If you’ve reached this far, and still believe I’m overthinking this and/or that I’m particularly tight-fisted, let me be clearer. 20 rupees is the price of the pen, not the real cost. The real cost is when a pen that you discarded lies in some garbage dump, not breaking down because it is made of plastic. At some point, it will get crushed under the weight of a discarded crate or some other trash, continue to break down further till it is smaller than 5 millimetres. This is when it will be known as a microplastic. Even smaller fragments of plastic are known as nanoplastics. They are smaller than a red blood cell. These plastics then find their way into our food, water and the atmosphere, polluting the environment and endangering animal life. Human beings are impacted too. While the full impact of microplastics on human health is still being studied, here are a few effects that scientists have zeroed in on: inflammation  cancer lung and liver diseases deterioration of the gut microbiome altered lipid and hormonal metabolism Other studies suggest that microplastics disrupt marine micro-organisms’ crucial role of sequestering carbon dioxide and producing oxygen. I can’t speak for you but to me, at first glance, this looks bad. And the view doesn’t get better at second and third glance. So, the next time you buy a pen, buy a brand that sells refills too. I know I will, because we’re all paying with a lot more than just money.

Imagine there are no phones or internet and I am out looking for you. I go to your workplace. You’re not there. Then your home. You’re not there either. What is the third place I should check? Give it a thought before you read on. DEFINING A THIRD PLACE Sociologist Ray Oldenburg in his 1989 book The Great Good Place coined the term ‘third place’. It refers to a physical location where people can connect with their community and build relationships outside of work and home. According to Oldenburg, your home and the people you live with are your ‘first place’. The workplace — where people spend most of their waking time — is the ‘second place’. That brings us back to the third place. ‘Third places’ could be considered ‘anchors’ of community life, facilitating and fostering interaction and a sense of well-being. In other words, your third place is a casual, social environment where you can relax, encounter familiar faces and meet new people. WHAT MAKES A THIRD PLACE? Some examples of a third places would be bars, parks, public libraries, religious centres like temples or churches, recreation centres, social clubs, gyms, etc. However, not every public place you like to hang out is a third place. The key distinction being that in a third place, everyone knows your name and you know theirs. To be frank, even an 80% strike rate will do! A sense of community is the main thing. The other characteristics of a third place include easy accessibility and its occupants being under no obligation to be there. Another feature is the irrelevance of one’s socio-economic status, allowing for a sense of commonality. Most third places have no prerequisites that would prevent acceptance or participation. That being said, this isn’t strictly true in case of country clubs and social clubs which do have some requirements for membership. At the very least, a third place needs to be a place where shifting fortunes don’t impact the sense of belonging. A key element of third places is playful and light-hearted conversation, even if it’s not the only activity. The vibe is wholesome rather than fancy. Most importantly, occupants of third places often have the same feelings of warmth, possession, and belonging as they would in their own homes. SOCIAL RELEVANCE In his 1989 book, Ray Oldenburg argued that third places are important for civil society, democracy and civic engagement.  All of these are still required in today’s world. What’s new is the need for people to see each other’s humanity instead of just their political leanings or social status. In the 2025 sequel, The Great Good Place Revisited, Oldenburg's co-author, Karen Christensen argues that third places are the answer to loneliness and political polarization. Come to think of it, social media algorithms have created a world where too many of us are living in virtual silos – where we see only what we agree or engage with. That’s not how human beings were meant to live.   Most people today, especially in cities don’t know their neighbours and even minimal social interaction in places like malls and supermarkets have become optional with large numbers of people choosing to shop online even for daily provisions. This has led to a majority of people suffering from loneliness. EPIDEMIC OR NOT, LONELINESS FEELS BAD I remember reading, a few years ago, several alarmist articles about the dangers of loneliness, spawned by a statement by Dr. Vivek Murthy, former US Surgeon General. He stated, “Loneliness and weak social connections are associated with a reduction in lifespan similar to that caused by smoking 15 cigarettes a day”. Now, that does seem a bit excessive even for someone like me who believes there is a link between healthy social connections and well-being. So, here’s what I got from it: if you’re going smoke, don’t do it alone. That would be a double whammy! COURTING CONNECTIONS Jokes apart, we could all do with third places in our lives. Almost a decade ago, I started frequenting the badminton court in my housing locality. It was at the time, a cracked cement court with no net or lights. Someone or the other would bring a net and so it began. Eventually, we petitioned to have the condition of the court improved. After a few hiccups, it got done. The court was a place for conversation, new friendships, banding together for the welfare of our community dogs (who would join in for petting and socialising) and of course, badminton. The members of this community ranged from 12 years of age to 60 and people looked out for each other. But the best part was a sense of belonging. I’d be driving home from work after a long day and be waved down by someone asking, “Where have you been? Haven’t seen you in a while. Come for baddy.” And even though I would be tired, I’d freshen up, change my clothes and show up. And just like that, even a good day would get a whole lot better. That’s the magic of community and of having a third place. That, dear reader, is what I wish for you.

I was driving home after running a few errands when a thought floated into my brain: why do some people become more empathetic and sensitive after going through a difficult time in their own lives while others don’t? There are, of course, certain personality types who are kinder than others but I’m talking about people who change during the course of their lives. I pondered the question before parking it in my mind, awaiting a response from my subconscious brain. Or for my mind’s resident muse to proceed like a knight moves on a chess board—two steps straight and one to the side. These responses invariably emerge when I’m in the shower, out for a walk or occupied in some other mundane tasks that don’t require a great deal of attention. Why is that? I have an opinion, but that’s a whole other kettle of fish. It could even be another post. Let’s return to what we—my subconscious mind, the resident muse of the side-step and I came up with. It is in no way backed by research. At least, none that I’m aware of. And is likely only one layer of a much more complex idea. Empathy is sparked when you tap into a strand that connects you to another person. It’s often a recognition of either having been in the same boat as them and understanding what they’re experiencing. Or entertaining the possibility of you or a loved one being in a similar situation. This thread of a shared understanding sets empathy apart from sympathy. As author Charles F Glassman puts it, “Kindness begins with the understanding that we all struggle.” ACROSS A NEWSROOM About 8 years ago, I reached out to a colleague who was struggling emotionally after the death of a parent. To make things worse, everything she knew and understood was falling apart around her as well. This included family relationships, work and finances. It was enough to break the strongest of people. I too, had been through a very difficult time in my life a few years earlier, even though it was caused by a whole different set of circumstances. Viewed strictly from a practical perspective, my situation had perhaps not been as dire as my colleague’s, even though it had triggered a complete breakdown. But when I did emerge from it, I became more sensitive to other people’s pain than ever before. I could sense her dismay, confusion and absolute rejection of life as it was. It moved me to see her sitting at her desk, in a bustling newsroom, trying to maintain appearances and keep her job. She looked desperately alone and utterly lost. I had no idea how I could help but I knew she needed it. So, I did what I could without making too big a deal of it. I would ask her to join me for coffee during a break and let her talk about whatever she felt comfortable discussing. I’d check in with her during the work day or we’d step out for a stroll after work. These are all very small things but to someone going through a dark time, they can be the best part of their day. I like to believe that the ripples created by kind gestures can sometimes withstand tides of despair. Perhaps, that’s what author and motivational speaker, Leo Buscaglia meant too. “Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.” Over time, my colleague became a friend . I’m certain none of this would’ve happened had I not been through my own trials. NO ONE IS IMMUNE We all like to believe that we would be more resilient when knocked over by life’s blows. It’s a nice thought but there are times in life, especially after a major setback, when nothing goes your way and you feel utterly miserable, incompetent and invisible. Such periods of time can shatter the self-confidence of the cockiest of characters and try as they might, their shakiness seeps through the cracks in their façade. Yet, it is through the same cracks that light enters, making them more empathetic, even protective of someone else who is struggling. What then, sets such people apart from those who may have been through their own trials but are unbothered by another’s problems? THE PEAK-END THEORY According to psychologist and Nobel Prize awardee, Daniel Kahneman’s Peak-End theory , people judge experiences based on two factors—the peak which may be the best or worst highlight of the entire experience, and how the experience ends. This impacts how one remembers events. My idea is that perhaps, people with empathy are those who remember not only the peaks and ends of their bad experiences but also, how those events made them feel,  especially the frustration, sadness and lack of confidence. And they never let go of the memory of how intense and all-encompassing those emotions felt. They do so, not because they want to hold on to pain, but as a reminder of how pain feels and to use that knowledge as a salve. I read somewhere that it takes a great sobriety of spirit to know your depths and your limits. I’d like to add to that. It is challenging times that introduce us to our limits and depths. When I was struggling, I was taken aback by the forcefulness of my feelings and by the realisation that I was capable of being both better and worse than I could’ve imagined. That knowledge makes one less judgmental of others and more open to others’ insights and experiences. That is why, I hope, you, my reader, will leave a comment to let me know of your own experiences and ideas on the subject.

The Indian cricket team won the World Cup on the 2 nd of November. This was a first for the women’s team. Sadly, I did not watch the match. In fact, I haven’t watched a cricket match in more than a decade. I watched the highlights of the match and snippets about the individuals that made up this great team. Photo Courtesy: JioHotstar Many of them come from modest backgrounds and have braved financial challenges, social ridicule, and sporting disappointments that would’ve broken most. There’s Amanjot Kaur, a 25-year-old all-rounder hailing from Mohali, Punjab. Her father, a carpenter, carved a bat for her and saved up money to buy her a scooter so she wouldn’t miss her training sessions. Shafali Verma, born and brought up in in Rohtak, Haryana, Verma cut her hair short, disguised herself as a boy to enrol in a cricket academy that didn’t admit girls. At 17 years of age, Shafali was the youngest player, male or female, to represent India in all three formats of international cricket. Each of these cricketers and their families, coaches, and well-wishers deserve all the accolades and good stuff coming their way. Even amongst all these stirring stories of the grit and discipline shown by these young women to become world champions, there’s another story that resonated with me. That of their coach, Amol Muzumdar, a cricketer who, despite being a great talent and scoring a tremendous 11,167 runs in domestic cricket, was never picked to be part of the first-rung Indian cricket team. Photo Courtesy: JioHotstar Muzumdar’s story shines a light on the strange, winding ways of destiny. I’m a believer in destiny that is powered by hard work. However, there is something even more powerful than destiny – timing. It is said that what is destined for you, will come to you. However, there’s a catch that is not always stated. Fate or destiny arrive in their own time. For ordinary mortals striving to achieve something we’ve set our hearts on and working toward, the chasm between the effort we put in and the results staring us in the face can often range from disappointing to utterly heartbreaking. THE CHANCE THAT NEVER WAS Amol Muzumdar’s talent was spotted early by Ramakant Achrekar, a legendary coach on the Mumbai cricketing scene. Achrekar famously coached Sachin Tendulkar and Vinod Kambli who burst into the national spotlight with their 664-run partnership in an inter-school tournament. On the sidelines of that sparkling partnership stood a young Amol, all padded up, waiting for his turn to bat. That turn never came.   Tendulkar went on to scale incredible heights in his career while Kambli’s star was a short-lived one. But unlike Kambli who at least had his chance, Amol Muzumdar never got called up despite checking all the boxes expected of any cricketer hoping to make the national side. There is no logic to it except what can be found in the German philosopher, Arthur Schopenhauer’s words, “Fate shuffles the cards and we play.” IN CONTENTION In his first-class debut for Mumbai, Muzumdar scored 260 runs against Haryana during a Ranji Trophy match in the 1993-94 season. This record remained unsurpassed until 2018 which tells us something about the quality of that knock. And yet, he didn’t make it to the national team even though he played for the India A team alongside greats like Rahul Dravid and Sourav Ganguly. In 2002, he considered quitting the game but eventually, decided to persevere. In 2006, he was appointed captain of the Mumbai team. Mumbai won the Ranji Trophy that season. After stints with the Assam and Andhra Pradesh teams, Muzumdar retired in 2014, never having played for India. Reflecting on his career, Muzumdar remarked, “Cricket gave me everything, except the cap.” THE SECOND INNINGS However, Muzumdar’s association with professional cricket continued. Coaching gigs with India’s Under-19 and Under-23 teams as well as international assignments with the Netherlands and South African teams followed. In October 2023, Amol Muzumdar was appointed head coach of the Indian women’s cricket team. Two years later, he stood in the middle of a roaring stadium in Mumbai with the World Cup-winning captain of his team, Harmanpreet Kaur touching his feet in respect. With fireworks lighting up the sky and an overjoyed crowd on its feet, chanting and cheering, Muzumdar planted the Indian tricolour on the pitch. Destiny may have taken her own sweet time showing up but you can’t say she lacks style. Photo Courtesy: JioHotstar Perhaps, Muzumdar was always destined for greatness, just not in the way he thought. Three decades in the making, what a priceless moment it must have been for him. Isn’t it grand that a synonym for priceless in Hindi is Amol? Many of us have, at times, felt bogged down by a lack of tangible results and the encouragement they bring. Such moments can break many a resolve. That is exactly why Muzumdar's story, humbling and uplifting as it is, strikes a chord. His story shows us that there are infinitely many kinds of success stories and that sometimes, the best thing to do is what we can and let destiny come around when it does. With that, I extend my heartiest congratulations to the Indian women’s cricket team on their stupendous win as well as doff my hat and wish a very happy birthday to Amol Muzumdar, the architect of a triumph that has crossed the crease straight into the history books!

What’s your idea of a good day? Wait… for all those who will say - laying on a deck chair and sipping fruity drinks, let me rephrase… what’s your ideal day when you’re not on vacation or enjoying a chill day? If you’re like me, it’s a happy mix of productivity, some form of exercise and enjoyable and restful downtime. Sounds simple enough, doesn’t it? But only until procrastination, laziness, lack of motivation and sloppy time management crash the party. The areas I struggle with are ending the work part of my day at a reasonable hour, going to bed on time and being realistic about how many hours there are in a day! At the start of almost every day, I regularly overestimate how much I can get done. It’s a heady cocktail of early morning optimism and daily delusion! Dear Reader, please consider all this information as fair disclosure going into my tips for a productive day. I follow most of these hacks, while there are a few I know I should practise but don’t, and wish I would. GET A GOOD NIGHT’S SLEEP For me, that means eight hours between 11 pm to 7 am. However, I’m a reformed night owl who often lapses into her old ways so sleeping on time is a constant challenge. Yet, I recommend it whole-heartedly because it is the most essential element of a healthy, productive day. WAKE UP AT THE SAME TIME EVERY DAY This has two advantages – one, your body starts to wake up naturally at the time after a few weeks and it feels so much better than waking up to an alarm. Second, it’s easier to plan your day when you know what time you’ll be up and moving. MAKE YOUR BED Start tidying up your bed within five minutes of getting up, if not immediately. It’s an old military rule and works like a charm—giving you the boost of a task tackled right at the start of the day. Additionally, your space feels neater and the temptation to crawl back into bed is fended off. LAY OUT YOUR WORKOUT OUTFIT This may seem pretty pointless but don’t knock it till you try it. Spending a minute the previous night to lay out a pair of trackpants, a t-shirt and placing a fresh pair of socks on your sneakers can often be the difference between going to the gym or for a walk and slumping into a chair, doomscrolling. The logic is to reduce barriers, no matter how tiny, between you and healthy, productive choices. DRESS FOR THE DAY I’m sure you’ve heard of the saying, “Dress for the job you want”. I’m amending that. Dress for the day you want. For me, taking a quick shower, dressing in comfortable clothes presentable enough to run errands in, has me feeling ready to be productive. Teaming that with a pair of moccasins or better still, trainers just adds to the ‘up and running’ vibe. The rest of me just follows through. EAT BREAKFAST The brain and body need some fuel to function. Eating a nutritious breakfast allows you to focus on work. Also, it will help you avoid the mid-morning crash followed by a hunt for snacks. MUCH ADO ABOUT TO-DO LISTS I consider To-Do lists a stepping stone on the path to productivity. There’s something calming about listing every small task you want to accomplish in the day. It frees up your mind from the weight of remembering them. And checking off of an item on your list generates a satisfying dopamine high, encouraging you to keep up the good work. It also helps to designate one task as a 'Must-Do'. I think of them as the sort of tasks that even on a day when I’ve done nothing much, completing that one task gives me a sense of having achieved something. In recent months, I have also taken to making Weekly To-Do lists. This way, I have a place to jot down the tasks and errands I want to get around to, in the near future but not necessarily today. This keeps them visible when I make each day’s to-do list. TIME BLOCKING TO AVOID OVERCOMMITTING Assigning blocks of time to specific tasks is a hack I’ve tried sporadically so I know it works, but I don’t follow it every day. I should. Making a list longer than China’s Great Wall leaves me feeling anxious and like I’m constantly playing catch-up. What’s worse is it leaves little or no time for relaxation making me a very dull girl indeed. And worst of all, I often end up working way past my bedtime and wake up groggy the next day. The solution to all of this is to block off parcels of time to accommodate each task. The crucial aspect is to be realistic both when making your list and allotting time. Also, please keep 10-15 minutes as a buffer between major tasks. TAKE BREAKS Speaking of buffers, take a 15-minute break to make yourself a drink, walk around or return a call. It helps to take your mind off the to-do list once in a while, preferably between tasks. Also, don't feel guilty taking a few days off work or your chores. We all need breaks and they are best enjoyed without guilt. QUANTIFY YOUR GOALS The more specific you are when listing your goals for the day, the more likely you are to complete it. ‘Go for a 20-minute walk’ somehow feels more doable on a day when motivation is low, than an ambiguous pointer like ‘Exercise’. The same logic holds true for breaking up bigger tasks into smaller chunks, making them less daunting. For instance, I often break up writing and publishing a blog post into a 5-day extravaganza spread over a week: Research topic Jot down pointers Draft post Edit post SEO work Upload and publish Tackling one or two of these tasks each day leaves time and space for other things I need to do as well as some breathing space for my mind to problem-solve unconsciously. GET SOME MOVEMENT IN I hate to sound like a fitness guru. In truth, I’m far from it. I love sugar and pastries. That should prove my credentials as a member of the Dark Side! I do, however, like to get in some form of exercise every day even if it is only a 30-minute walk with our dogs in the evening. It makes my day feel more productive and happier. An evening walk is also a great way to shift gears from work to winding down, especially if you work from home. BANISH DISTRACTIONS Keep your phone in another room or at least more than an arm’s length away. Reaching for your phone unconsciously when you should be working or getting sidetracked by constant notifications is something we all can relate to. And it’s an absolute productivity-killer . Put that phone away and you’ll be surprised at how much you get done. JOT DOWN PASSING IDEAS Keep a paper or post-it handy for ideas that float into your mind while you're doing something else. Jot them down and deal with them later, rather than getting side-tracked by a thing that may or may not be important and certainly isn't urgent. Like paying your phone bill. It’s important but doesn’t need to be paid right this minute. It can wait till you finish the task at hand. Writing it down means you won’t forget and will get to it by the end of the day. GO FOR GOOD-ENOUGH Often, we tell ourselves a particular task can only be dealt with if a particular condition is met. The ‘only if’ condition could be – ‘I should do this only if I have the time to complete it’ or ‘I will do this when I’m ready to do it really well’ or something along these lines. This may feel like perfectionism speaking. It really isn’t. It’s procrastination using a ventriloquist’s dummy. Some may say the dummy is you, if you fall for it! I know because I’ve been there. Instead, just get started. Completing 40% of a task is a lot better than zero. What’s more, it boosts the motivation to finish the job the next day. After all, it's already half-way to completion. HAVE A CUT-OFF TIME This is something I struggle with – sticking to a time when I power down my computer or close my notebook. It should ideally happen just before I leave for my evening walk but it doesn’t. Quite often, I return and get back to work. Or continue working even after dinner. That’s a bad idea because I don’t rest or connect with family and friends. It’s practices like these that lead to burnout. Please be better than me and follow a pack-up time religiously. Making time for rest and relaxation is essential. It’s the difference between toxic and happy productivity. MAKE TIME FOR LITTLE TREATS Let there be time in your day for something that brings you joy. It could be a chat with a loved one, a quiet drink after dinner, or a warm bath with all the trimmings. Some may argue these things take up time that can be used more productively elsewhere. Sure. Except that whatever else you do won’t recharge you the way your little treat will. A productive day is one where we get stuff done while making the necessary allowances for pleasure and leisure. CONCLUSION Productivity is valuable only when it helps you build a better life, not for its own sake. I’m guilty of forgetting that myself. Perhaps, I should put that on my to-do list! Drop me your suggestions, if you have any, on how to stick to my cut-off time. Or any other productivity hacks and tips that work for you.

The Paths We Choose  is a coming-of-age novel about the disparate paths taken by two sisters in times of unrest and revolution. The book opens with Sumnima and Rita running through a mango orchard, looking to steal the first mangoes of the season, striking a note of idyllic innocence. Sumnima and Rita are cousins but as close as siblings, living in the same house with their mothers in Rato Mato, a village nestled in the Himalayan mountain range in Nepal. Monica Rana tells us this story from the perspective of 14-year-old Rita, the younger, more reticent cousin who follows around the braver, stronger and vivacious Sumnima. Rana establishes the dynamic between the cousins right from the book’s first line, “It had been Sumnima’s idea to steal the mangoes. Everything of any real consequence always seemed to be Sumnima’s idea.” The initial chapters give us a glimpse into their daily lives. Their mothers work hard in the fields and at home, while Sumnima and Rita help out with chores in addition to attending school. They lead a simple but hard life with no room for comfort, so much so that Rita wishes for a pair of slippers with thick, rubber soles but knows that they’ll never materialise. Scarcity is an inescapable fact of life for them and yet, they dream of better times.   The novel picks up pace after Rita finds herself in Kathmandu, separated by strife and circumstances, from Sumnima, her family and the life she’s known. In this new place, Rita discovers courage while manoeuvring splintered loyalties and the forked roads of right and wrong. Accustomed to living in Sumnima’s shadow, Rita is a hesitant heroine. Gradually, and with encouragement from unexpected quarters, she comes into her own, though not without a stumble or two along the way.  The use of simple yet lyrical language makes The Paths We Choose  smooth reading while the use of local Nepalese words lends the writing an earthiness without feeling performatively ethnic. The novel's pacing too keeps the reader engaged. In terms of imagery, the symbol that is writ largest over this book, quite literally, is that of a parrot. It even made it to the cover! There are multiple references to an allegorical poem ‘Pijarako Suga’, the Caged Parrot penned by Lekhnath Paudyal in 1917. The parrot in the poem is a symbol for the Nepalese people who wanted freedom from hereditary dictatorship. This symbolic parrot pops up every few pages, in different forms and stands in for the many hues of freedom—political, social and even individual where it refers to recognising one’s own potential and purpose. I only wish the symbolism wasn’t so heavy-handed and expositional. There are, however, other lovely touches by Rana such as the idea of inanimate objects absorbing history even as they stand by as silent, impartial witnesses to the fleet-footed passage of time and history. In terms of the novel’s themes, patriarchy is a major one. It's seen most clearly in the pressure exerted on women to carry a load heavier than most men while simultaneously, dismissing women as inferior and wholly dependent on men to have any standing in society. Rana’s characters like Neelam didi, with her ingrained and casual misogyny, proves not just how deep patriarchy runs, but also that its fiercest proponents are often women themselves, justifying their own exploitation and lack of agency. Caste and the pecking order it creates in any setting—rural or urban—is another thread running through The Paths We Choose . In the novel, the city offers a few opportunities to transcend these barriers through education and work. Not that it’s easy. In the Kathmandu of The Paths We Choose , class and power create their own pyramid with the reigning Shah dynasty at its top and the Ranas a step or two lower. The government, viewed from Rato Mato, is largely unmindful of the welfare of the underfed, underdeveloped majority in rural Nepal. It is this inequity that the Maoist rebels are fighting against in the novel. Rana weaves in the Nepalese civil war of the early 2000s and the royal massacre into the story's tapestry, giving a real-world grounding to the choices facing the cousins. The Paths We Choose shows how the most righteous causes can often become a guise for nefarious dealings. Individuals on both the monarchist and Maoist sides are shown siphoning off money to fund their own lifestyles. The descriptions of violence and harm caused to ordinary people, however, did come across as a bit one-sided with the rebels getting the shorter end of the stick. All in all, The Paths We Choose  is a novel worth reading with a message and perspective most welcome for the times we live in.  If you’re looking to curl up with a quick read over the holidays, I recommend you get your hands on this novel . P.S To purchase the novel, click here .

Before the Coffee gets Cold  is a thought experiment about human nature, missed chances, regret and love. It taps into a desire most of us have likely experienced at some or the other point—the wish to travel back in time and do things differently. Kawaguchi introduces us to a small, quaint café with three clocks, each showing a different time. Frequented by eccentric regulars, we’re told that the café keeps unusually cool even in Tokyo’s humid summer. What sets it apart from every other café in the city is one table. Sitting at this table lets one travel to another point in time.  There are, however, some rules to this time travel. One, that when travelling through time, you can only meet someone who has visited the café in the past. Also, you cannot leave your chair and hence, the café while you’re in the alternate timeline. The most important tenet is that regardless of what you do or say during your time-hopping trip, the present you return to, will remain unchanged. This is bound to stump anyone interested in even the rudimentary physics of time travel. However, Kawaguchi makes it clear that his time travel trope leans more towards magic realism rather than quantum mechanics and as such, calls for a certain suspension of disbelief. Another fundamental rule is that you absolutely must return to the present before... you guessed it... the coffee gets cold. ​ The strongest element of Before the Coffee gets Cold is its premise. It makes you relate it to your own life as you read the blurb on the back cover. “If you could go back, who would you want to meet?” In terms of style, Toshikazu Kawaguchi’s writing reveals his roots in theatre. Before the Coffee gets Cold reads very much like a play with its single location, limited characters and simple storyline. The book is divided into four chapters each focussed on a single storyline – the lovers, husband and wife, the sisters, and mother and child. Performing them as four acts of a play would be easy work. Focussed on formality and the facial expressions of its characters, Before the Coffee gets Cold  is a slim book with a relaxed pace. On the downside, it’s a quite low on action and engaging dialogue. Kawaguchi’s descriptions are repetitive and the narrative feels rather predictable after the first two stories. None of the characters are even mildly memorable. Additionally, the pre-condition of the present not being impacted by any action taking place during time travel reduces the stakes for the characters because the consequences of their actions are limited. Such low stakes and characters with little depth are hardly a recipe for a page-turner. Another aspect that is hard to ignore if and when it does strike you is that somehow, only female characters end up travelling back in time to make amends. It makes one wonder if this is just a coincidence or the sort of patriarchal mindset rooted in the ubiquitousness of women’s emotional labour which is mostly, taken for granted or occasionally applauded, mostly to encourage its continuance. Don’t believe me? Read the book and see what constitutes a ‘win’ for the female time-travellers and what it requires of them. Before the Coffee gets Cold  probably set off to explore the inscrutable complexity of human relationships and how we spend so much time ruminating over whether we made the right decision, said the right thing or missed an opportunity to say one’s piece. As the incomparable Khalil Gibran put it, "Between what is said and not meant, and what is meant and not said, most of love is lost." Sadly, Before the Coffee gets Cold misses the mark. Instead of exploring the nature of regret and the weight of missed moments, this book loses its way and ends up at a café serving nothing weightier than Bookstagram vibes and trite truisms.

Some books stay with you long after you turn the last page. Fragments of evocative or witty phrases, soaked in the novel’s atmosphere cling to the recesses of your mind. Often, these lines are spoken by characters that feel real enough to have a conversation with. Their presence outlasts the story. Bring up the Bodies  will reside in my memory for its wit and the deep, dark and inscrutably enigmatic character of Thomas Cromwell. This is the second book in Hilary Mantel’s Wolf Hall Trilogy. The first two books of the three-book series won the Man Booker Prize in 2009 and 2012. The trilogy charts the emergence of Thomas Cromwell from the grimy streets of Putney. The son of a blacksmith, Thomas tried his hand at many a trade— mercenary soldier, roadside card sharp, wool trader, and banker, before clawing his way to becoming Cardinal Wolsey’s protégé. Following the Cardinal’s death, Cromwell rose through the ranks at court to become arguably the most powerful man in England after the King. In a passage about Cromwell refusing to adopt a more illustrious family’s heraldry, Hilary Mantel shows us not just the swiftness of Cromwell’s rise but also his sagacity. “He has no ancestors, of course: not the kind you’d boast about. There was once a noble family called Cromwell, and when he came up in the King’s service the heralds had urged him for the sake of appearances to adopt their coat of arms; but I am none of theirs, he had said politely, and I do not want their achievements.” Bring up the Bodies  opens in the year 1535. Thomas Cromwell is 50 years old and occupies the position of Master of the Rolls and Master Secretary to the King alongside several other minor offices. Manoeuvring the exit of Queen Anne Boleyn, of whom King Henry VIII is beginning to tire, is amongst Cromwell’s primary goals in this volume in addition to arranging the king’s third marriage and avoiding war with Spain and France. Catching a spark of interest in Henry’s eye, Cromwell places Anne’s polar opposite, the demure Jane Seymour in Henry’s path as a suitable replacement to give Henry the son he craves, thereby securing the future of the Tudor line. Mantel’s narrative is a third-person omniscient perspective focussed so closely on Cromwell that it reads almost like a first-person narrative. The use of present tense adds a rawness and immediacy to this riveting historical fiction, showing us just how high the stakes were. And not just the ones used to burn heretics and political opponents! Most people reading this book are likely to be aware of the broad historical details of the Tudor era, especially Henry VIII’s tumultuous reign. The historical Cromwell, however, is a rather opaque figure with precious little known about him. That is precisely what makes his character an ideal place for history to meet fiction. Mantel is masterful in her use of imagery and dialogue to portray a diplomatic tug-of-war, the intrigues of desire and a constant wrangling for power amongst the courtiers. In the midst of all this, stands Cromwell—an agile political survivor with more enemies than he can count, kept at bay only by his razor-sharp intellect, incisive understanding of human nature and Machiavellian manoeuvres. “Every day as Master Secretary he deals with grandees who, if they could, would destroy him with one vindictive swipe, as if he were a fly. Knowing this, he is distinguished by his courtesy, his calmness and his indefatigable attention to England’s business.” Mantel paints Cromwell’s character in contradictory hues. This is a man proud yet humble, ruthless yet merciful, opportunistic yet loyal and practical yet sentimental. And most of all, brilliant beyond contradiction. It is this reputation for intelligence and a prodigious memory that Thomas Cromwell uses to intimidate people. Every now and then, he allows the glinting edge of his intellect to catch the light. People’s imaginations do the rest, resulting in ever more tales of his brilliance. There is a wonderful scene where Edward Seymour asks Cromwell for a rematch of a game of chess they played three years ago, complaining that he'd lost only because Cromwell had distracted him. Cromwell offers to align the board exactly as it was when Edward lost his train of thought. It’s a psychological trick at best, but effective nonetheless. Mantel portrays Cromwell as an excellent judge of character, generous with his advice and help, extremely observant and blessed with the incredibly useful ability to bite his tongue when required. He holds grudges but refrains from immediate retaliations. Instead, he serves his revenge cold. “If he had a grievance against you, you wouldn’t like to meet him at the dark of the moon. His father Walter used to say, ‘My boy Thomas, give him a dirty look, and he’ll gouge your eye out. Trip him and he’ll cut off your leg. But if you don’t cross across him, he’s a very gentleman. And he’ll stand anybody a drink.’” What sets Bring up the Bodies , in fact the entire Wolf Hall Trilogy, apart from other historical fiction about the Tudor Era is that it doesn’t cast Kings and Queens as protagonists. In this tale, Cromwell is the hero and we see Henry VIII only through Cromwell’s eyes. As a result, readers sees Henry’s dithering, his extreme dependence on his advisors, his gradual decline into paranoia, and an absolute lack of accountability for his own decisions. It is left to Master Cromwell to do what the King wants and needs done. “He knows the king is devout and afraid of change. He wants the church reformed, he wants it pristine; he also wants money. But as a native of the sign Cancer, he proceeds crab-wise to his objective: a side-shuffle, a weaving motion.” Regardless of the age he lived in, Hilary Mantel’s Cromwell is a man of surprisingly modern ideas. With an egalitarian bent of mind, given his own humble beginnings, Cromwell keeps abreast with the problems of the average man and woman instead of restricting himself to court and his country home. His concern for the future of England and the upliftment of her people comes through. “It is better not to try people, not to force them to desperation. Make them prosper; out of superfluity, they will be generous. Full bellies breed gentle manners. The pinch of famine makes monsters… England needs better roads, and bridges that don’t collapse. He is preparing a bill for Parliament to give employment to men without work, to get them waged and out mending the roads, making the harbours… We could pay them, he calculated, if we levied an income tax on the rich… In a generation everything can change.” Bring up the Bodies  allows readers into Thomas Cromwell’s mind, feeding us nuggets from his past and revealing the rationale behind his political and diplomatic moves. Yet, after all, he remains an enigma - unpredictable and unknowable. Mantel’s Cromwell is like a figure walking down a partially-lit pathway, not entirely visible but enough for an observer to form an impression. I recommend you take a look.

Dear Reader, Few things surpass the delight and quiet charm of receiving a letter from a loved one. Nowadays, mail is limited to unsolicited promotional mail from small businesses and financial statements from banks. I can’t recall the last time I received a letter. The occasional birthday cards do still show up, but letters are done and dusted. Such a pity because I adore receiving letters. But then, to be fair, I don’t write any letters anymore either. I don’t know which side of this debate you’re on but I agree with anyone who argues that letters are costlier than a bunch of text messages or a phone call, a hassle to dispatch, call for greater effort to write and take too long to reach their recipients. These are all good points. And yet, if you’ve ever come across an old letter—creased with time, the paper turning yellow, written in a familiar handwriting—you know that it’s a time capsule transporting you to a simpler time when you believed doing badly in the mid-term tests was a matter of some importance. I have a friend who used to write to me letters with doodles of Garfield which, in my opinion, have stood the test of time in terms of artistic endeavour! Our friendship has survived many decades even if the letter-writing hasn’t. There are other friends who wrote me small notes on the back of Dairy Milk chocolate wrappers while there was one who sent me evidence of an ongoing orange peel fight in his dormitory while he was writing to me! In spite of all its drawbacks, letter writing scores over calls and text messages in a few ways. One, it requires effort and therefore, immediately signifies value. To receive a letter means you are cherished. Who’s opposed to that? Another notch in their favour is that letters to family and close friends can act almost as journals, helping you process events and emotions and are signposts of a life lived. There is also the tactile aspect of a letter. It’s something you can hold in your hand, place under your pillow and find in a shoebox years later. You can’t say the same about emails. Writer, journalist and media advisor, Liz Carpenter had a similar view. “What a lot we lost when we stopped writing letters. You can’t reread a phone call.” The reasonable requirement to indulge in the purchase of unreasonable amounts of stationery is another perk bestowed by letters on their writers! I love buying stationery and so, letter paper and envelopes used to count as essential goods. Sadly, now that I don’t write any letters, it’s been years since I bought air-mail paper. The gauze-like paper in pastel shades was a favourite of mine. I’m not sure if it’s even available anymore. I admit that letter-writing is only a medium of communication and was bound to be replaced by more efficient forms. However, dig a little deeper and you see that each medium brings its own message, language and vibe. For instance, a letter allows for perspective and a more relaxed, thoughtful mood while texting is often about short forms and getting straight to the point. Not all letter-writing is that different from text messages though. I wrote my first letter at the grand old age of three, on a piece of lined paper torn out of a notebook. It was posted along with my brother’s letter to our father who was away for a few months on a military exercise. My letter was a study in brevity—just half the English alphabet, 2 letters of the Hindi alphabet and the numbers 1, 2, 3. My brother’s letter was a little more prolific with a few sentences thrown in and a demand for a gift. These epistolary masterpieces, dear reader, were saved by our father for their obvious emotional appeal, if not literary brilliance! The age of letters is well-past but I’m hoping against hope for a revival – a Renaissance of the Letterati, if you will. The best way to go about it, I suppose, would be to put pen to paper and get started. But first, let me buy a letter pad! With love, Ninay

The Enigma of Room 622 is many things—an homage, a murder mystery, the tale of a boardroom battle, a love triangle and Joel Dicker’s attempt at self-insertion. Let’s begin with the prologue. We’re transported to the Hotel de Verbier in the Swiss Alps on a snowy morning in December. It’s early and still dark. A hotel employee makes his way to a guest’s room with a breakfast tray. “On the carpet of room 622 lay a corpse.” With an in medias res  opening which places us smack in the middle of the main conflict, Joel Dicker gets off to a great start. The reader is immediately drawn in. What follows is Dicker donning the double-sided cloak of a professional writer and an amateur sleuth. The first chapter opens with how he, Joel Dicker travelled to Hotel de Verbier, a luxury hotel in the summer of 2018 hoping to recover from two recent personal traumas—the death of his publisher, Bernard de Fallois and the abrupt end of a short-lived romantic relationship. His curiosity is piqued by an anomaly in the numbering of the hotel rooms. There is no Room 622. There is 621, 623 and 621A. Some investigative work by Scarlett, a guest at the same hotel and Dicker’s partner-in-crime-solving reveals the cause for the erasure of Room 622—an unsolved murder. The characters populating the world of this mystery are Macaire Ebezner who, in the wake of his father's passing a year ago, is all set to take over as president of one of the largest family-owned banks in Switzerland. All he needs is for the bank’s board to elect him. On the board are Macaire’s uncle, Horace Hansen; his cousin and Horace’s son, Jean Bénédict Hansen and Sinior Tarnogol, a shadowy presence who manipulated his way to a spot on the bank’s board fifteen years ago. The board’s machinations to pick a president and the challenges posed to Macaire’s ascension by Lev Levovitch, the banking wunderkind with secrets of his own are all connected to the murder. In his usual style, Joel Dicker packs The Enigma of Room 622 with a veritable torrent of twists and flashbacks, making his readers work hard for even tiny parcels of information. In fact, it takes about 380 pages of this 563-page novel for the reader to even discover the identity of the murder victim. Talk about unanswered questions! There is no fact small enough to be revealed without a flashback or later, even a flash-forward. It’s bit gimmicky, but addictive nonetheless. I’m willing to bet Dicker has never met a cliffhanger he didn’t like! This is a thriller through and through with plenty of twists, pacy chapters, narrative suspense and foreshadowing. In a way, this novel reminded me of Jeffrey Archer right before he became so formulaic that it became hard to tell one book from another. Dicker, like Archer, knows how to hook his reader and write a page-turner. That’s great but it gets old if you use the same tricks every time. For a fairly long book, The Enigma of Room 622 fails to create characters who feel real and fleshed out. The following lines spoken by Lev Levovitch is a rare moment when his thoughts reveal the beliefs behind his actions. "Because love doesn't exist. It's a mirage, a social construct. Or, if you prefer, love exists only if it isn't materialised. It's a spiritual emanation made of hope, expectation, and projection.” Macaire is the other character whose actions we have some insight into but it’s limited to his ambition to follow his father as president. The focus remains majorly on plot progression rather than character development. Most of the characters operate like plot devices, living only to take the story forward. The most glaringly underdeveloped character is the main female character, Anastasia. Even at the centre of a love triangle, she lacks agency and a mind of her own like a desert lacks precipitation. Frankly, it gets quite trying. In terms of style, I enjoy Dicker’s bringing literary devices into the genre of thriller or crime fiction. That said, I felt like the framing device he uses of becoming a part of the story doesn’t do much for the story apart from being a vehicle to pay homage to his friend and publisher, Bernard de Fallois. That, and giving us a peek into how authors grow stories from the tiny seed of an idea and the easter eggs they often scatter through their manuscript. All in all, The Enigma of Room 622 is engaging but somehow, it lacks the emotional core of The Truth about the Harry Quebert Affair . This may have been caused partly by characters the reader doesn't root for and in part by the ex deus machina  ending sprung on us to explain everything conveniently with some spit and polish.

I picked up Days at the Morisaki Bookshop expecting a cosy read about small joys and the life-affirming pleasures of forging human connections in a fast-moving world. Sadly, that was not to be. What I got instead was a book that devolved into a corny Hallmark movie with conflicts that practically resolve themselves and characters who are barely even one-dimensional. Satoshi Yagisawa’s debut novel, Days at the Morisaki Bookshop  is about a heartbroken 25-year-old woman, Takako who ends her relationship with her boyfriend because he was coolly two-timing her with a colleague. Given that they all work in the same office, Takako finds staying on at her job untenable and hands in her resignation. Depressed, alone and unemployed, she spends her time mostly sleeping in her rented Tokyo apartment. After a month of hibernating like a miserable bear, Takako receives a voicemail from her uncle, Satoru, who runs the Morisaki bookshop which sells second-hand books. He offers her free lodging in the room above the shop in exchange for opening up and manning the bookshop in the mornings. That gets the ball rolling. The protagonist, Takako is not much of a reader but starts reading out of boredom, finding solace in second-hand books. Her uncle, Satoru introduces her to the neighbourhood of Jimbocho—home to the largest number of second-hand bookshops in Tokyo. So far, so good. However, if you were looking for a relatable protagonist, it’s best to stop looking. Takako is bland and uninteresting and remains so right upto the last page. In fact, all the characters in this book, including Satoru and his estranged wife are underwritten with conflicts so half-baked they’re indigestible. The subplot about the relationship between Satoru and his wife and why she left him takes up almost half the book and yet has such a tepid and incomplete resolution that I was left wondering if I had missed a couple of pages. I hadn’t. For me, Days at the Morisaki Bookshop read like a not-too-good Young Adult novel even though it isn’t. For a story with a narrator who is at least 28 years old when she begins narrating the story and has been through some life changes, her expression and perspective lack maturity. Add to this, writing that is sorely lacking in specificity, and there’s very little left to enjoy. However, there are some genuinely relatable portions that I would’ve liked more of, like these lines about the special joy of reading second-hand books. “At some point in the past, someone reading this book had felt moved to take a pen and draw a line under these words. It made me happy to think that because I had been moved by that same passage too, I was now connected to the stranger. Another time, I happened to find a pressed flower someone had left as a bookmark. As I inhaled the scent of the long-ago-faded flower, I wondered about the person who had put it there. Who in the world was she? When did she live? What was she feeling? It’s only in secondhand books that you can savour encounters like this, connections that transcend time.” Sadly, the theme of the refuge that books provide is not explored enough. Neither are the concepts of urban loneliness or the importance of choosing one’s own path in life really allowed to develop and add depth to the story . As a result, Days at the Morisaki Bookshop ends up being an underwhelming read.

If you want to get to know a person, you must see them with different people (some important to them and some only incidental) and in different situations—after a fight, after a win, after a loss, at the end of long, tiring day or raising a toast to someone else’s success and in interactions with people who don’t have their advantages—in terms of affluence, education or some other signifier of status. I’m sure we all know someone who feels better about themselves having corrected a waiter’s pronunciation at a restaurant or after snapping their fingers at a salesperson in a store. It’s a dead giveaway of a lack of self-esteem. However, if you don’t have such access to the person you’d like to figure out, here’s another one. Late night conversations. I have long believed that late nights are the hooks on which people hang up their disguises, out of weariness. Putting up a front for the whole day is heavy work indeed. What’s that they say about the Sun seeing your body while the Moon sees your soul. Back to late night conversations. The next time, dear reader, you’re having a conversation with someone and the night is past its youth, (though if you’re like me, it seldom does) ask them an open-ended question or at the very least, a question which elicits an answer followed by an explanation for the answer. One such query is: What is a quality in another person that most impresses you? The answer can be very revealing because it carries many tales and can even be a piece in the mosaic of a person’s character. You might, sometime later, reflect on whether the speaker themselves possess that quality or not. It means different things depending on the quality mentioned. For instance, if your companion is impressed by punctuality, it may follow that they value time (at least, their own!) and are also very punctual. Else, it could be a trait they wish they possessed, yet it eludes them (perhaps, because they are bad at time management, prone to last minute changes of plan or pack their days like a hoarder’s cupboard!). Either way, if you’re paying attention, something unsaid will reveal itself to you. That is the beauty of real conversations—chats that are about more than the ins and outs of life, trends and events. Let’s imagine you and I were having just such a conversation. The stars are twinkling, a light, cool breezes rustles through the foliage while nocturnal creatures chirp in the distance. I’m not clever enough to guess your response (feel free to write it in the comments), so I’ll share my answer instead. A quality that impresses me tremendously in others is empathy – where a person can set aside their own ideas, emotions and thoughts in order to understand another’s point of view or situation without the presence of that interloper called Pity. And relates to them as an equal. True empathy isn’t performative or grand. It is unassuming, gracious and found among the little things—being considerate of other peoples’ needs, being thoughtful of issues they may struggle with or trying to view matters from their perspective and lending a hand whenever possible without making a show of it. The way I see it, empathy and its active form, compassion mean treating others the way I would want to be treated were I in their position and having the humility to understand that the current circumstances of our lives are a result of numerous factors, of which our own efforts form only a very small part. Some people are naturally compassionate and kind. Others gather empathy after having weathered a few knocks. There’s no shame in that. In fact, it’s shows that you are capable of emerging better even from things that didn’t work out in your favour. Not everyone has that grace. An oft-repeated quote by Roald Dahl that fits well here, “The same boiling water that softens the potato hardens the egg. It's about what you're made of, not the circumstances.” I agree but would like to add to it. It’s not just what you’re made of but also what you want to be. It is possible to change and grow , if we so will it. Often, the seed of such a transformation is aided by our admiration of a quality in someone else.